Life-Sweep
by Invader Krag
Summary: Trillanus. A deserted planet. Or so Zim thought when he exiled Dib to it. When Dib finds that there really IS life on Trillanus, and a friendly Invader is among them, he must team up with him to save his planet from the life sweep...(new chapter(1) up.)
1. Prologue

Hey, guys! It's me, Krag! The prologue is a little slow, and a little short, but I assure you it will get much better in the chapters to come. Enjoy!  
  
-I. Krag  
  
  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
"Welcome to the Planet of Trillanus. We hope your stay is a pleasant one."  
  
The sign was lodged in the ground a good hundred yards from the city. Its bright yellow letters had long since faded to nigh invisibility, and all that was left was the sign itself, which was covered in rust. It was made of some indistinguishable metal, grainy, but firm. Almost like petrified wood.  
  
There was no foliage. It was as if all life had been snuffed out in an instant, all traces of any living thing had been eradicated; all except the sign…and the city. The city, which towered over everything, like a diamond in the rough. Yet I can hardly refer to it as a diamond.  
  
Like its surroundings, it was dead. You could tell when you looked at it. It was something that was never questioned by anyone who cared to pass by. This city was dead. Oh, it had once been occupied, yes, but those days were long ago. Nothing had lived here for hundreds of years.  
  
Yet, when I call it a city, I do not mean a small one. In fact, a more deserving term would be fortress. Yet, even that does not do justice. The city stretched for as far as the eye could see, crowded the horizon, towered over everything. The smallest buildings on the outskirts seemed like skyscrapers, and looked as if they were the battlements of some huge castle. They stretched on in a straight line to the right and left, reaching to the ends of the planet.   
  
Yet in the opposite direction there was nothing.   
  
It was as if one half of the planet was covered in desolate nothingness, and the other covered with towers and skyscrapers. Yet they were all dead.  
  
Well, at least the boundary was dead. No one ever ventured into the inner sanctum of the city, and hardly anyone ever stopped on Trillanus anyway. Except for the lone cruiser speeding toward it now.  
  
It was Irken, and was carrying three passengers. Two humanoid, the other cyborg. The ship swooped in quickly, and tossed one of the passengers out by the destroyed welcome sign, and promptly flew away. The passenger stood up, brushed himself off, stared at the sign, and then sat down again in despair. The decrepit sign was as good as a death sentence if it represented what the rest of the planet was like. He turned to watch the Irken cruiser, its pilot laughing raucously as it flew away into the dark, cloud covered sky.  
  
"Feeble Earth-Monkey. How could you even think that you could defeat me?" 


	2. Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE  
  
  
The ship flew on steadily. Zim reclined in his chair, letting his cruiser travel it's predetermined path while he outlined his plans to Gir.  
  
"Ah, you don't know how much of a weight has just been lifted off my shoulders, Gir. With the Dib-creature gone, there will be NOTHING to stop me in my obliteration of Earth! In my observations I have noted that the Earthenoids are extremely wild and uncontrollable, so therefore would not be good candidates for slavery. And besides, I want to DOOM them into nonexistence. HAHA!" Gir sat on his head, listening intently. Suddenly, he started crying.  
  
"No more big headed kid?"  
  
"No, Gir, no more 'big headed kid'. Now let's get back to Earth…I haven't told you about the rest of my plan."  
  
"The reeest? OOH!"  
  
"I will go back to Earth, and take them by force. I will make myself their RULER, and then I will make SURE that every single piece of human FILTH knows that it was I who was their undoing, before they, and every other living thing on the planet, is obliterated."  
  
"Waaait…..everything's gonna be destroyed?"  
  
"Yes Gir. Everything."  
  
"What about Tacos? And Mongooses? And Squirrels! And- "  
  
"Tacos, no. Everything else, yes."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait…Tacos! YAY!"  
  
"You can't fight it Gir. That planet is just WAITING to be destroyed…and I will PERSONALLY fire the life-sweep…"  
  
"But don't the tallest do that?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
  
  
Dib was becoming more and more depressed. He had walked along the outskirts of the city, looking for life, but had found absolutely nothing. It seemed that he might just have to go into the city after all. He had hesitated earlier, figuring that he might get lost in the immense city. Of course, now he thought that there wasn't anything useful out here anyway, so it wouldn't matter if he got lost. He was dead either way.  
  
He took his first step into the city. Immediately he noticed the change in lighting, mainly the lack thereof. He could hardly see, but the slight illumination of some lights high above only just outlined the contours of the alleyways. The city's depths were shrouded in eternal darkness by shadow, and he could only hope that this planet's nights were brief.  
  
Graffiti littered the walls around him, apparently names of gangs or obscure swear words in some foreign language he had no knowledge of. It was all faded, of course. He was beginning to suspect that only the dregs of society lived down here, and that there was a system of hover transportation of some sort, way above the ground.  
  
"I guess the way to go is up." Said Dib to himself, as he found a ladder. This would be slow progress.  
  
He reached the top, and soon found another. The thought soon connected in his mind, that to have ladders, the former residents must have been bipeds. He climbed around thirty of these ladders before collapsing in a heap. Nine year olds were not cut out for this kind of work, especially paranormal investigators.  
  
"Of all the places…why here? Why did he put me HERE?"  
  
"I could ask that same question, but as you humans say, 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth', eh?"  
  
"Yes, we do say tha - ……"  
  
Dib let out a small squeaking sound, and slowly turned to see the source of the voice. It was an Irken, about 5'6". He stared at Dib with inquisitive eyes, taking him in, examining him.  
  
"Well, Earth-boy, come with me. It's been a while since we've had visitors."  
  
"….we?" 


	3. Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO  
  
  
  
"Aw, darn it. You've got me." Said George Bush as Zim barged into his bedroom in the White House. "I guess you'll be wantin' the country now."  
  
"Yes…Yes I would. HA!"  
  
"Really? This doesn't happen that often you know, I haven't had trainin' for this sorta thing."  
  
"Yes, yes, that's very nice, now HAND OVER THE COUNTRY!"  
  
"Well…I guess. Do I have a choice?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh. Alrighty then. Go ahead."  
  
"VICTORY!!!"  
  
Zim jumped up onto his bed, and threw up his fist in triumph. Gir burst in through the window and did a victory dance while singing Eye of the Tiger.   
  
"It's the…Eye of the Tiiiger, it's the thrill of the fight…WHOO!"  
  
At this point, Laura Bush walked in and screamed. Not only was there an alien on her bed, but there was a robot break-dancing on her carpet.  
  
"George, what the heck is on our bed?…and on the carpet?"  
  
"Well, hun, you see, this isn't our bed anymore. Or the carpet. We might have to take the emergency shuttle to the moon, cause, well, I have a feelin' this little guy's gonna take control of the planet. He already has the country. So, uh, let's go stake out the real estate so we can monopolize it when Jean Chrétien and the Queen get there. And I have a feeling things are gonna heat up between us and the general public."  
  
"But….but…."  
  
"I'm afraid the Earth-Monkey-Leader-Thing-Buffoon is correct, puny Earthen female. I own you. Now leave before I decide disintegrate you."  
  
"Do what he says, pumpkin." Said George, leading Laura out of the room.  
  
"BYE!" Gir shouted after them, waving hysterically. Zim buried his head in his hands and dragged Gir from the room.  
  
"Come on Gir, we must find this "Jean Chrétien" Ape-Descendant-Thing and take him over too. TO THE CRUISER!!!"  
  
"How many times are we gonna have ta' do this, master?"  
  
"….I….don't…know. Maybe we should think about going…global. What do you think?"  
  
"Who's the taco king? We gonna doom him too?"  
  
"Gir…"  
  
"Yeees?"  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
In the darkness of the city, Dib could barely make out where the Irken was taking him. He presumed he was going to take him to some dark, secluded place where he could implant things in his brain and do tests, HORRIBLE tests on him to make sure he was alive, and then alter that fact. Dib had a very avid imagination.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I said, what's your name?"  
  
"…Dib. My name's Dib."  
  
"Huh. Odd name, that. My name's Torin. Invader Torin, to be precise, though they probably presume me dead by now. I wonder if you're still an Invader after you're dead…"  
  
"Dead?"  
  
"More about that later…how'd YOU get here?"  
  
"Zim dropped me here."  
  
"Zim? Invader Zim?"  
  
"Yeah, you know him?"  
  
"Know him…HA! I know him alright. Failure in the academy. He didn't fail, of course, but he barely got by. Worst I've ever seen. He became an Invader, and the last I heard about him he had nearly destroyed the whole surface of our planet. The idiot."  
  
"Are you saying that…he sucks?"  
  
"YES, Earth-boy, I am. I can only imagine why the tallest sent him to your planet. Most likely a punishment, it's so far away from Irk…fool probably doesn't even realize it, either."  
  
"How do you know I'm from Earth?"  
  
"I've been there in my travels. I'm not exactly stranded here, I DO have a ship."  
  
"Well, then you could take me back to Earth!"  
  
"That's not a good idea."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'll explain in a bit. We're here."  
  
Here, as Torin called it, was a massive dome-shaped building that could have easily been a football stadium. The dome came all the way from the ground, and since they were so far up, they entered by means of a large catwalk near the apex of the dome. A door implanted in the side of it opened into an elevator. It took them nearly to the ground.   
  
A blinding light filtered in through the cracks in the door of the elevator, and Dib could barely see when it opened. As soon as his eyes had adjusted, he saw that he was inside a sort of large subway station of some sort…with no subways. The ticketing booths were deserted.  
  
"Don't worry, it's not like we have to pay anymore."  
  
"Pay…for what?"  
  
"The aero-tram, of course. Oh, that's right, you haven't even gotten past monorails on your planet yet…well, follow my lead and hang on. Well, there's not anything to hang onto really…well, there is, kind of…well - "  
  
"Let's just go, shall we?" Dib interjected. Torin led him to a brightly marked patch on the ground, and stood on it.  
  
"It just fits two people."  
  
"Torin? I don't see anything."  
  
"That's normal. This tram's made of energy."  
  
"Energy? But - "  
  
Dib didn't have time to finish his thought, because right at that moment he was shot forward. He didn't know how, but questions like that aren't relevant when you're essentially flying through the air. He and Torin gradually rose in elevation, to a small opening in the very top of the dome. They shot through, and then were propelled at what seemed to Dib about sixty miles an hour through the city; ducking and twisting, turning and dodging, zipping around buildings and bobbing over advertisements.   
  
"Torin…we must be going about sixty!"  
  
"Yeah…" Torin sounded disappointed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That's not very fast."  
  
"Not very fast??? What do you mean?"  
  
"We've got a long way to go. We'll get faster than this, but not much. Maybe about seventy Earth-miles-an-hour."  
  
"Seventy? It won't take us long then."  
  
"Kid, we've got a quarter of a planet to cover."  
  
"……oh." 


	4. Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE  
  
  
  
"And now, let's all give a big round of applause to our second invader to be victorious, Invader Skutch!"  
  
"Yeah! What a great guy. And he's not short either."  
  
"Or ugly."  
  
Applause filled the air around Skutch as he walked across the stage to the Tallest. He smiled smugly and waved at the crowd.  
  
"Thank you, thank you. You're too kind." He bowed before the tallest, and looked out the window at the planet he conquered, eagerly awaiting the life-sweep. "Sirs, I brought a good number of the indigenous sentient life forms on the planet up to the ship for menial tasks. They are good workers, but not very bright."  
  
"Very good, Skutch. You have done us proud. Kind of."  
  
"And now, since you're not the FIRST invader, but the SECOND invader to conquer a planet, you won't be fired in the life-sweep."  
  
"Yes!" Skutch cheered under his breath.  
  
"Purple, ready the cannon!"  
  
"Ready. Red…push the button."  
  
Red pushed the button, and they both grabbed the controls for the laser and aimed. A bright blue blast erupted from the barrel of the laser cannon and rocketed towards the planet, eradicating all life within a fifty-mile radius of the blast site.  
  
"WHOO HOO!!!" Red yelled.  
  
"This is what I LIVE for!" Purple said, as the crowd cheered them on. The planet was completely exterminated within a minute, and a search party was sent down to look for any survivors. Red patted Skutch on the head.  
  
"You are a good invader, Skutch. Very good. Sit. Stay." Skutch did so.  
  
"I know, oh Tallest. I amaze myself sometimes."  
  
"Yes, yes, very nice, but Red…we've got a message from Zim coming in."  
  
"Really? Fetch the curly fries."  
  
Skutch was shooed away, and the Tallest sat down on a couch with curly fries, awaiting the call from Zim.  
  
"Heh…this should be good." Red said, and turned on the screen.  
  
"Tallest! Invader Zim, reporting!"  
  
"Yes, Zim, what is it?"  
  
"I have conquered the planet known as Earth. Their leaders are as ANTS beneath the SOLE of my boot, SQUISHY ANTS!!!"  
  
Red and Purple dropped their curly fries.  
  
"W-what? You mean…you actually conquered a planet?"  
  
"Yes, oh Tallest…why do you sound so amazed?"  
  
"Cause you su - " Purple shoved a hand over Red's mouth.  
  
"Because…uh…you did it so quickly! We, uh, assigned that planet to you, uh, because we thought it would be a challenge to such a…great…invader." Purple turned to Red and they both covered their mouths and laughed, before remembering that Zim was still on the line.  
  
"Sirs?"  
  
"Oh…uh…yes. So what is the verdict on the life…forms…things…?"  
  
"They are too arrogant and headstrong to be anything more than target practice, sirs."  
  
"Oh. Good. Uh…yes. We shall be over there very soon…yes. We look forward to sweeping it."  
  
"Yes. You. Sweeping. Thank you, oh Tallest. Thank you. Zim, over and out."  
  
The screen went blank. The whole room was quiet. The Tallest turned to each other and stared.  
  
"Zim actually did it?"  
  
"…I don't believe it."  
  
  
  
"Them? Sweep Earth? Ha! The REAL Tallest will be the one to sweep it, not them." Gir walked over to Zim and stared.  
  
"But master…you're not big!"  
  
"What are you talking about, of course I'm - …oh. I hadn't thought of that. Yes…a mere technicality. Those bumbling fools won't stand a chance against me…send ME to a pointless planet, will they??? Not me, no. I was a fool, I didn't see it…but it soon became all too obvious. They just wanted to get rid of me. Well, that was a mistake that they never should have made. They shall suffer the wrath of ZIM!!!"  
  
  
  
Dib awoke abruptly to the sound of music. It was loud and obnoxious, and pulsed with a rhythm that was fast and exciting. Raucous yelling could be heard underneath the twangs and bleeps and bangs of the instruments, yelling out incomprehensible obscenities.  
  
"Sounds like home…" Dib murmured as he was carried out of the aero-tram. He stared around himself, taking in the scene being played out before him. It looked like some sort of festival, only held on the tops of extremely tall buildings. There were bridges between them, and many of the young locals were hanging on them, leaning over the edge, much to their mothers' dismay. The middle-aged and senior ones stayed on the roofs, sitting in chairs and staring at the stars.  
  
As Dib awoke, he found that he had a terrible headache, probably from his awkward position in the invisible aero-tram, and the loud music wasn't helping it at all. He noticed that even the seniors were having a good time, even with the horrendous music. He clutched at his head and turned towards Torin, who was talking to one of the children in a strange language.  
  
"Where are we?" He said. Torin turned and thought for a moment.  
  
"Well, we're at the equator of the planet, approximately at the center of the city, on top of an abandoned tower about 2,500 of your feet tall."  
  
Dib's head suddenly swam as he realized another factor in his headache.  
  
"…Why?"  
  
"Because. We're having a celebration."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Our first visitor in 25 years."  
  
"Oh. Who's that?"  
  
"You."  
  
"Gotcha. So you're not gonna kill me?"  
  
"…no. It's me, isn't it?"  
  
"Well, to be honest, yeah."  
  
"I'm not like the rest of my race. They abandoned me…left me for dead after the transporter accident. I was sent to the planet instead of to the bridge, and they started doing the sweep. They wiped out all they could see of the planet, one half, and then circled it, not realizing that the planet was turning with them, and ended up missing the whole other half of the planet by mistake. They must have realized eventually, but they also must have figured that the "savages" on the planet had eaten me already, and left me."  
  
Dib stared at him.  
  
"Well, that explains YOU, but I still don't understand why we have to be so far up into the air. I have a terrible headache."  
  
"I expect you do. You were hanging upside down out of the aero-tram, but thanks to the technology, it always keeps you from falling. I didn't want you to wake, so I let you hang there."  
  
"Thanks…I guess."  
  
It was then that Dib took a close look at the local sentient beings of the planet. And it was then that he also realized why he didn't look twice at them before.  
  
"They're…human…" 


	5. Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR  
  
  
Zim was in a remarkable position. He was standing on a spaceship some light years away from Earth. That's not the remarkable part. He was clearly looking confident, and Gir was even obeying. That's also not the remarkable part. He was surrounded by all the most important people on Earth. Not even THAT was the remarkable part. For this, the remarkable part, is truly remarkable. All of the seven-or-so billion people on the planet were watching him, and not a single one knew what was happening.  
  
They all saw him, and those who weren't near a television were unconsciously drawn to one. Gir, who was being the cinematographer, was jiggling a bit, but mankind got the picture.  
  
"Earth-monkeys. You are conquered."  
  
Mankind's eyes widened.  
  
"I have taken over your planet."  
  
Mankind gasped.  
  
"I own you all."  
  
Mankind rubbed its eyes, to make sure it was seeing correctly.  
  
"Even the tacos?" Gir yelled, dropping the camera. Zim slapped his forehead, which was now on the left side of the screen (likewise his feet on the right) and picked up the camera to film it himself.  
  
"Yes. The accursed tacos as well."  
  
He panned across the room, stopping to zoom in on George Bush, the Queen of England, Jean Pierre Raffarin, Jean Chrétien, Junichiro Koizumi, and many other important political figures, including a taco wearing a crown in the corner.  
  
Mankind's jaw dropped.  
  
Gir proceeded to play with mustaches, yank hair, and make a fool out of himself utterly while Zim delivered his evil speech.  
  
"You are all my slaves. I have conquered your pitiful planet quickly and stealthily, and you didn't even know about it before now. Obviously, you are not as cognizant of the world around you as you would like to think. Now before I go on and say it, I'll let the Earth-Monkey George Bush speak…"  
  
George was yanked out of his seat and put center stage, with a microphone in his hand.  
  
"Well…look, I'm sorry. He has firepower beyond our capabilities, and by himself could defeat all our fine armies with ease and pleasure. He has contacted each and every country and delivered his ultimatum. Either we give up now, or die trying. Of course, you know which one we took."  
  
Mankind's face turned resolute, it's jaw set in place, and it nodded in approval.  
  
"…we gave up."  
  
Mankind's face fell instantly, and some portions decided to go to the nearest shop, bust the windows, and steal all the stuff they could get their hands on. Others decided to jump off cliffs. And the rest, stereotypically, stayed glued to the television.  
  
"You know what they say, finders keepers." George Bush said, and sat down. Zim once again appeared on the screen.  
  
"Yes, Human Filth, what he said was RIGHT! I AM YOUR NEW RULER, as it seems that your OLD rulers had no BACKBONE! HA!"  
  
"But master, the Taco King doesn't have no- "  
  
"Yes, yes, Taco King, very nice…Well, in conclusion, you are all doomed. Make your farewells short, because you will die very soon. Have a nice day!"  
  
"EEEEE HEE HEE!!"  
  
Mankind was pissed.  
  
  
  
  
  
Mankind was also countless light-years away on Trillanus.  
  
Or so it seemed to Dib.  
  
"What was that, Dib? I didn't catch that," said Torin.  
  
"What's….going on?"  
  
"Hmm?" Said Torin.  
  
"They're….."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"They're hu…"  
  
"Out with it!"  
  
"THEY'RE HUMAN!!!!!"  
  
Dib exploded with such unexpected loudness that all the humans turned and looked at him.  
  
"No they're not." Said Torin simply.  
  
"Yes, yes they are!"  
  
"Are not."  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"They're whatever you want them to be."  
  
This struck Dib as odd.  
  
"I don't….get it…"  
  
"Look, it's simple, they're whatever you'd be most comfortable looking at. They developed it after many many eons of evolution. They are peaceful, so very peaceful in fact that they sacrificed their own true bodies to please others." Torin smiled. It was really very scary, but then again, how often do Irkens smile, I mean really genuinely? Dib sat down.  
  
"So…I'm most comfortable looking at humans?"  
  
"Oh yes."  
  
"But I'm a paranormal investigator! I'm comfortable with ANYTHING!"  
  
"Ah, but you've grown up surrounded by humans. The only alien you've encountered, you've grown to hate, so you're not at all comfortable with Irkens." He smirked. "And, other than Zim, you've never, ever actually seen anything paranormal. Am I right?"  
  
Dib nodded. "How did you know that?"  
  
"Earth is…..not really in the middle of ANY species' demolition plans….except for maybe the Planet Jackers. Like I said, the Tallest probably didn't even know there WAS a planet where they sent him…." Dib nodded. It all seemed clear now. Well, at least the "Zim=Stupid" part.  
  
"Wait…you said that it would be dangerous to take me back to Earth. Why?"  
  
Torin paused. "Tell me, Dib, what do you think would happen if his only opposition is now on a planet lightyears away from the planet he was trying to conquer?"  
  
Dib's eyes widened.  
  
"You mean…"  
  
"He's won. You can never go back to Earth. As of this moment, if the Tallest aren't "taking their time", I wouldn't be surprised if every living thing on your planet is already dust."  
  
  
  
Hey guys. It's been a while since I last updated....oh well. It seems to me that the last two chapters were mostly dialogue.....oh well, that'll change in the next chapter.....*smiles evilly*...  
-I. Krag 


End file.
